Dear all,
I write this to you with pain in my heart. For many years I contributed to this wonderful community by sharing dozens of industrial buildings and other stuff. I made those buildings with all the love and energy I had. I enjoyed sharing them with you and see them grow in your wonderful cities.
I don't know when it started, but since spring this year I started to feel more and more depressed. I never really enjoyed my life and I saw this community as a peaceful calm bay. A place where people understand me and where I can shelter when life sucks. But the pain has become too much now. My life is a mess and one by one I'm loosing all my friends. I feel like everyone is attacking me for no clear reasons. At least no one tells me a reason. Even though I felt rubbish for as long as I can remember I always tried to help people and be positive. I never projected my insecurities on other people. I always listened to people, always be there for them. But I can't anymore. People don't care about me anymore. They ignore calls I made and stopped replying to text messages I sent. Friends I used to chat with blocked me on msn. People say bad things about me etc. Even when I make new friends, they stop contacting me after a few months. I guess I just suck. I can't talk to my parents and family anymore. They feel like strangers. I don't know if it's my fault and what I'm doing wrong. I feel insecure, colt and empty. Without the love and warmth I once had I feel I can't continue to model anymore. I'm sorry all, but I'll stop uploading. I lost the power to continue. I'll continue visiting this forum and my do my job as a moderator of the picture competition. But I won't be uploading for some time anymore.
I'm sorry,
Merijn
I'm sorry to hear this ()sad() I didn't knew you were depressed. Well, take good care Merijn (https://www.sc4devotion.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wegenforum.nl%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Ficon_38.gif&hash=9c0b0e2627f328e6cc9690b7aad6d17650e0e43c)
Best,
Maarten
I'm really sorry to hear that, my friend ()sad() I sincerely hope your RL situation will improve. Don't worry about (hopefully temporarily) interrupting your BAT work, you're not obliged to continue it - RL is always more important. If you ever need someone to chat with - feel free to find me on MSN. I'll be there :)
Best of luck with your real-life problems!
Oh sh*t Merijn... I didn't know you were feeling like this... :'( I really don't know why people are doing that, but they're really stupid because you're really friendly guy. I hope you'll feel better soon, and if you want to talk to someone, we are all here. (you'll can find my MSN on my profile if you want ;) ) You stopped BATing is really a sad news for me as you were (and still is) one of my favorite BATer of all time.
Take care my friend (and fellow moderator)
-Arthur. ;)
I just want to add: You've already done so much, Merijn, you mustn't feel guilty about taking an extended break or retiring from BATting. Your contribution to the custom-content community is already of such great quantity and quality that you need not apologise for anything.
I sincerely hope your situation improves soon.
Joel
I'm sorry to hear about your situation Merijn. For me at least it seems like when life starts to get bad it does it almost all at once. And a lot of the time the worse you feel the worse you make things for yourself as far as friends and feelings go. It gets really hard to make things better when you feel bad about yourself and it's easy for negative feelings to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course there's no easy solution to anything like this and I'm no therapist but if I could recommend anything it would be to try to believe in yourself and remember that you're the same person you were before these newer problems came up. Let me know if you'd like to talk :)
... What can I say, this is very sad news. I wouldn't know why people would do something like this to you, because to me you seem like a nice, understanding and helpful guy. Should you want to talk to someone, my msn is in my profile.
All the best, and I sincerely hope your situation improves
Xander
Oh man this sucks :thumbsdown: . I totally understand you, i also lost many people without any logic reason and i know how it hurts. To be honest, i don't care about not uploading new cool creations anymore - and your creations are really cool. I mostly care about you and your mental health. Only a jerk would make someone feel bad without any reason >:(
Take my advise. Time is the best doctor, because it has the cure for everything. It painful in the begging, but the result will be worthy. Feel free to P.M. if you want it :) (https://www.sc4devotion.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aparadektoi.gr%2Fsmforum%2FSmileys%2Fdefault%2Fpost-1-1098286189.gif&hash=d26674f6b272a0006f3aab2e642d13786af7e4f1)
Oh, Merijn. :( I appreciate you and your creations, and I think I'm not the only one. I'm sorry about this. ()sad() I hope things get better for you quickly. ;)
I'm really sorry to hear this, Merijn :(
Just try to carry on and don't care what other people say or do. I hope you get new, better friends someday, and you probably will, as you seem to be very nice guy. :) Don't worry about your uploads, as others said you have already contributed so much to the community that even if you would stop BATting completely now it would not matter.
I really hope that your situation gets better, and if you want to talk, just contact me and I will give my MSN or Skype address to you. :) Take care
i wish you the best with all my heart, take as long as you need, RL always comes first.
You should go to a doctor. I also know someone with depressions and there are good medications and psychological therapys which helped this person.
Although we never had a direct contact within the community, I always enjoyed (and still do) your contributions, remarks, comments and knowledge to us.
I kinda guess what you are going through, because I think I have been in a similar situation many years ago. It all started with a divorce, then a separation with my kids who were at a young stage then and finished with a terrible depression of some kind, even having thought of ending it all right there several times.
But.....
.......as my character and soul are very strong, I survived. That was 32 years ago. Today I don't regret that all this happened during a period of two, maybe three years because it gave me a life experience that many never had or never will live through and was (is) very useful to have build a life after this that I could only dream of.
It all turned out for the best, although I thought then, that the end is never-ending and I couldn't feel or see any exit of my mysery int he future.
These things are only in our head, you know, most of them don't even exist, we ourselves invent them. We always see and feel what we want to see or feel in a situation like this when things turn sour. You say you loose your friends, maybe they are loosing you? And your family? If they see that you're driffting away it is maybe because of you? Have you ever thought of it like this? Try to see it this way, that might help a lot to understand why things are happening to you as they do.
Believe me when I say that I was close to an end. I thought during several months and even years that nothing "good" could happen to me anymore, life was like useless, I didn't enjoy what I was living and I was even looking for pity, pity for myself.
bahhh, all bullrubbish!
There is surely a reason for this to happen to you as it did for me. There always is, whether it is an experience to add to your knowledge already, a lesson for you to change certain matters or just something that has to be done. I never thought of this when it happened to me then, but today I understand. It all worked out for the better, although I though it would never happen. But it always does it seems. Many people don't wait through this period, so they never had the chance to see the better side of it, but I know you will, because you seem to be more intelligent than letting everything go for a reason that surely is not resonable.
Today I have a second wife since 29 years, more beautiful, generous, understanding and joyful than the first, my kids came back to me and they're closer to me than ever, (even if they are in the late twenties and early thirties), my job is only what I could have imagined before with a revenue that satifies myself and my family more than sufficient and joy.....oh yessss...that joy that I used to have before, the joy of love and life, it came back, more intensive than ever. It all changed for the best and it surely will happen to you also. This period made me stronger, both physically and mentally, being a survivor at war between myself and me.
Things go wrong here and there all the time and to everyone in their lives and then we make a picture of it and it turns black.....Why? Because in our spirits or soul (as you wish) we mostly see the worse or worst that could happen, all negativity, but afterall, it ain't happening. Just look around you and have a good look at other people and families, try to see their difficluties and myseries and you probably realize that your "problem" is not such a problem anymore and your senses and wishes to live a better life will awaken. ;) Believe me, this simple therapy that you can do by yourself works and is much worth it. If it not seems to, seek for help.
I can see what you feel, just don't continue to feel like it, heads up my friend.
Just like I said, look around you, don't feel pity for yourself, take the situation by the hand and control and lead it into the right direction and be positive even in the worst situation. If you are about to loose everything, like money, things, family etc....there's worse, believe me. Do new things, change your alimentation, your habits , your hobbies, anything that is different, that will help you find new interests that will bring you new joy, ok? Nothing lasts for an eternity in this universe, not even your mysery or depression.
If you need help, let us know, we are all here to help, me being the first. ;)
I'm not very good at explaining things in english since it is my third language only, but I hope I made it clear enough for you to understand what I am trying to make you understand....hm..did that make sense?....lol. I speak a little dutch, not much though, having been raised in Germany in a little village close to Nederlande, near Aachen. Maastricht ain't far from there and we spent a lot of time buying the "good thingd" from Holland there at least once a month.
Good luck and don't let go , it will turn out for the better I know. I hope that my words will add to make a difference in your life. Have fun now and nothing else
Fred
EDIT: I just realized that my contribution to this thread is bigger than your own, &Thk/( , sorry 'bout this. ;)
Hi Merijn
I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment ... but when I am going thru a black period in my life, I try and think of it as a bad winter storm ... it will always end the sun will come out and life will be good ... and it always is worth making it thru the storm ... Fred has said it a lot better and longer :)
Take care of yourself and know despite what you are feeling at the moment a lot of people care about you.
Cathy
I think I could only wish you good luck. And what the others already had said RL is always much more important than a game. I hope you will eventually come back with some several bats because I surely enjoyed of it untill the last moment. But first clean up your life ;)
This is very sad news indeed. I think you have more support here than you know. I hope with all my heart that you can figure this out and things get better for you sooner than later.
Robin
That sucks Merijn, I really feel sorry for you. If you want someone to talk too you could always drop me a pm. I'll head over to whereever you are in Holland.
Sadden to hear this Merijn. But do what you must to take a path to recover yourself. It hurts me know someone has such traitorous freinds and believe themselves to be an outcast. Know the community has your back and hear for all triumphs and lowpoints. Walk foward my friend to a better future.
Will,
The Prince
I'm sorry your going through this difficult extended stretch Merijn. Your situation sounds painful, but please never feel like their is no hope. I too feel like I lost years of my young life to a dreadful pit of loneliness and despair. I felt as though things would never get better. I rarely if ever left my apartment unless for work. I lost contact with or alienated (or was alienated by) all of my close friends...people I loved...and who I mistakenly thought loved me. Many times I felt like there weren't any choices.
All I could do was hold onto the belief that it couldn't be as bad as it seemed. And guess what? It wasn't. I forced myself to try and push through and put myself out there, even when I just couldn't. I eventually met new people and realized I could create much more healthy bonds with than what I previously thought possible. I met people who actually did like me for me, with all my quirks and flaws. I got some professional help as well, and started to understand how sometimes, even doing everything you can won't necessarily make you happy. Talk therapy, even non-regularly, can make a world of difference sometimes. Try and remember too that we all have different brain chemistry too, and its possible that yours may be out of whack right now.
Just remember things are never as bad as they seem. Find reasons to laugh and smile. Seek them out. Cliche as it sounds...life gets better. ::) :P
Hi Merijn!
Take the time you need, and don't be too shy to search and ask for help from outside - I know by myself that this is sometimes absolutely necessary.
Take care my friend
I wish you all the best and to see you again in better times!
Bernhard
Hey Merijn:
I know it sounds like perhaps second-best, but never lose sight of the fact that you don't just have many friends in this community- you have many friends who have come to respect your talents and appreciate your contributions so very much. That's never diminished, whatever has happened in RL this past year. Nobody's life can ever be perfect, and things tend to work in cycles. It is great, though, that during a period when you are down, you would think enough of us and trust us sufficiently to let us know how you are feeling. Far too many people keep things like this inside, and thus never know what the people whose lives they've touched would be thinking.
The holidays are especially tough on folks, and it is easy during them to retreat and be sad and alone while the world goes on around you. Part of that world is here, and SC4D and the larger community are hopefully places you can enjoy the company of those who care a great deal about you while other aspects of your life heal over time.
A K-point for being brave and honest and reaching out, and for all the wonderful BATs you've created that I've enjoyed so much and never thanked you for.
David
Life has high points. Life has low points. Always remember that there is light at the end of every tunnel. Hang in there and darkness will turn into light.
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, Merijn. Take all the time you need. We'll be here to support you.
If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me on MSN or Facebook, or just send a PM my way.
Take care,
-Ryan
Hi Merijn ,
For you ... my favorite poem from Charles Baudelaire , when I'm down ... When I'm down and I'm down almost half of the time , I really need to go as down as possible before to resurface , convinced I'm only a common monster among monsters , like I've just added in my profile . Trust me , that helps .
(https://www.sc4devotion.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg204.imageshack.us%2Fimg204%2F5021%2Fexamendeminuit.jpg&hash=ea580698b73855d2019c9da86bdc40424ab78286)
Not only you're not alone , but you're a giant standing on his feet in front of the storm , there's nothing more precious than your action in the whole universe , and never let somebody tell you you're something else , never trust them if they tell you they're something else .
Cédric.
Amazingly put Cedric!!
After reading that poem and what you wrote.....a tear came to my eye.
Robin
Thank you!! Thank you all for the warm replies!! I really needed it. It's good to know that so many people still care. I'll be strong and I'll fight this storm till I'm in calm waters again :)
Be strong and never give up :thumbsup:. And don't forget that behind the clouds there is always the Sun :)
(https://www.sc4devotion.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.astrovox.gr%2Fforum%2Fimages%2Favatars%2F3745369274c45c50bccf56.gif&hash=e49f125e7cd2a79656c65a05ed9ae9003cc6cda1)
Good to hear you still have the fight in you!!
How sad!
While I rarely dare to give advice to people, I couldn't resist:
No matter how painful it may initially look, arrange your RL so that you meet with as many people as possible. If necessary, even force yourself to do so. You will definitely find people with common interests or who like and appreciate you. And while some people may not like you, some finally will. You do have things to offer to them, as well as receive from them. An attitude change seems to be needed too. You know, human relations have a reciprocal nature. If you look reserved, hesitating, indifferent, sceptical, insecure or problematic, just expect to be faced with a similar stance. Problems should only be discussed with close friends. So get out, go to a gym, a club or what, and find some people. Fight the desire to impress, as this can lead to a competitive behaviour. It's also wrong to believe that the others judge you all the time. It is actually this competitive or reserved behaviour that causes this. With a more relaxed and easygoing behaviour, you will be surprised to discover how many people would be willing to become your friends.
Take Heart Merijn, all is not lost...
DO NOT Dispair, Hope Lives!
you may find yourself in a dark place -but the light is still there, and it is NOT a permanent place you find yourself in, it will change, it will pass for the better if you do not give up or give in to the darkness... keep moving ahead... press on... it sucks at times but don't stay there, continue to occupy yourself keeping yourself and mind busy will distract you from the troubles that face you... you might find yourself cut off from friends but hope still springs with life promise; grab onto that hope and live... you are not as alone as you may think,
I speak from one who has traversed many dark places of heart and soul -yet I live and have found a peace that keeps me, you will too... I am surrounded by many over whelming troubles -its a miracle I'm not homeless, out of work for over 3 years, friends have moved on, family live long distance away and me without a vehicle life -sucks at times, just don't quit and give-into the darkness trying to smother you of hope...
Take Hope Merijn, all is not lost -you have life yet to live and its promise is better and bigger than the present trouble...
eternal encouragement and grace... do consider Cogeo's advice, get out and about, look-watch-listen a good nature does attract... so treat yourself to a really good coffee at your favorite shop and just sit awhile, watch, listen and learn to breath again...
Peace be you
Jack
Hang in there Merijn, there is always hope! Do take the time you need, and hopefully this will soon be behind you.
In the meantime, I wish you all the best. :)
Florian
Quote from: tag_one on December 13, 2010, 08:53:49 AM
Thank you!! Thank you all for the warm replies!! I really needed it. It's good to know that so many people still care. I'll be strong and I'll fight this storm till I'm in calm waters again :)
Best words I've heard in a while.
I know it's been said by several others around here, but it holds true; I've always been pleased to see you around here, and I'm continually impressed by your creations. Glad you were willing to share this all with us.
Quote from: tag_one on December 13, 2010, 08:53:49 AM
I'll be strong and I'll fight this storm till I'm in calm waters again :)
You do exactly that! Calm waters surely will come.
;)
Fred
Merijn... bad to leran that ()sad() I almost swept and I read this, but we're there, and as you can see, you're not alone here, I think we can help you. :thumbsup: We're an international community, virtual, yes, but we're a community! And it's always bad to see that one of its member is lost in his real life &mmm I hope you'll enjoy life again soon :) Don't forget us and be strong Merijn!!
Take care (as we say in french, carpe diem), your [industrial $%Grinno$%] friend Guillaume :thumbsup:
Aw, man. What a sad story to read. I really hope you can sort things out, because things like "well, I probably just suck" are rarely true. Those people who really suck normally think of themselves as God's gift to mankind because they're so ignorant. During the last two years, I've made the acquaintance of a bunch of very pleasant people, some of whom had the same impression because their environment kept suggesting that they do it all wrong, that they are good for nothing, etc. We have gathered in a little private forum and met each other in RL, and for most of them, it has been the first time they immediately felt accepted and respected without having to "act" or to behave as expected by others - the first time they experienced that friendship can mean more than being made to feel bad and guilty of everything, and that they don't need to excuse themselves for who they are. It can be really shocking to see how some people are treated by so-called "friends" and even by their own parents! They don't experience any encouragement and support, and in the end, they accept that they "suck" because they are not accustomed to anything else - it's just normality for them. In the end, they begin to act like they have learnt...
Meanwhile, most of the people I mentioned are on a good track and slowly begin to recover and find new trust both in themselves and in others. They find the force to separate themselves from people that do them harm, knowing that they have real friends now and that things don't have to be as they have learnt. I hope you will find those special people and climb out of that hole stronger than ever before, because judging from the standing you seem to enjoy in this community (which doesn't look like a bunch of antisocial psychopaths to me ;) ), I can't imagine that the blame is all yours.